I prayed to you, Cas Every night Dean's POV
by hectatess
Summary: We heard Cas' feelings, but what about Dean? Let's look at the other side of that coin... Rayed M for language... Dean is just a bit foulmouthed, don'tcha think?
1. Chapter 1

"Wake up!" The urgency in Cas' gravely voice drilled through the haze in his mind. ' _Ow. Oh crap. Rubbing Dick out packed a Hell of a punch..._ ' Ignoring his throbbing head, Dean sat up. ' _Damn. It's dark... how long was I out?_ ' His brain caught up with his other senses and to his surprise, Dean felt dry leaves crinkle under his hands. "Good." Cas sounded off. "We need to get out of here." Dean glanced around, now that his eyes were adjusted to the lack of light. ' _What the... here? Where is here?_ ' He turned to his best friend and anxiety gripped him as he saw how serious Cas was looking. The goodnatured, if somewhat dazed, expression he had held for so long after he had awoken in the hospital, was gone. This was the warrior, the Angel of the Lord that had walked into that barn years ago. Dean cased their surroundings. ' _How the Hell did we get in the woods?_ ' His Hunter instincts kicked in and his muscles tensed up. "Where are we?" Cas narrowed his eyes at him, as if it were obvious. "You don't know?" Annoyance flicked through Dean's mind, and faded out. "Last I remember, we ganked Dick." Cas widened his eyes. "And where would he go in Death?" he asked, as if explaining it to a child.

' _Hold the frikken phone... we hitched a ride with his... his soul or whatever? Is that what Cas is saying now? Fuck! We're screwed!_ ' He still had to ask. "Wait.. are you telling me..." Cas interupted his question quick. "Every soul here is a monster. This is where they come to prey upon eachother for all eternity." His heart making a bid for freedom, Dean kept casing their surroundings. "We're in Purgatory?" he asked, even though he already knew, as soon as Cas had asked about Dick. ' _Fuck, fuck, fuckityfuck! We gotta get out!_ ' Dean's mind went on a loop, even as things were rustling in the undergrowth, inching closer. "How do we get out?" He heard the note of panic in his own voice. "I'm afraid we are much more likely to be ripped to shreds." Cas answered, his voice level, but his eyes sad. A twig snapped behind Dean, and something growled deeply. Heart thumping, he turned around. The growling intensified. Turning back, he said: "Cas, I think we'd better g..." Faced with an empty clearing, his voice faded. ' _Son of a BITCH! He_ _bailed_ _on me? Or did some Fugly get him?_ ' The growling was now coming from several directions at the same time. "Cas?" Dean all but breathed, but no answer, except those growls and the rustle of several things creeping near. Dean swallowed hard, and pulled out the Kurd knife, ready for anything.

Panting, Dean sagged to the forrest floor. It had been 360 degree combat, and he had taken down three out of seven of the... gorilla wolf things, before being able to break away. He didn't even know what they were, but it seemed they hunted in packs, like wolves, and they had muscles out the wazoo. The dark was oppressive, and he didn't dare to close his eyes for fear of more monsters jumping out at him. Tentively keeping an eye out, he tried to find the calm he desperately needed, inside. He drew a shuddering breath and started.

"Now I am down on my knees,

barely alive I'm begging, please,

For Castiël to hear me pray.

Please tell me you got away.

Tell me Cas, are you allright?

I'l pray again tomorrow night."

The adrenaline ebbed out of his system slowly, and his muscles started trembling. He stayed on edge, scared, hunted and hoping his best friend had used his mighty Angel of the Lord skills, and killed whatever grabbed him. "Cas, please... tell me you're ok, pal. Meet up with me, then we can figure out a way to get out of this hellhole." he plead. Staying on his knees, ready to jump up and run, Dean dozed, until an approaching monster snapped him awake again. He ran, determined to get out. To find his buddy, and leave this awful place.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean wiped the blood from his brow, before it dried and made the layer of grime on his face even thicker. The ghoul whose throat he had slit, lay at his feet, clearly not going anywhere. Yet he didn't relax, not even a fraction. The first days, Dean had fled, running from monster after monster, only to bump into more. Then, after running from yet another pack of gorilla wolves, he decided he had had enough. He turned the tables and started hunting. It was in his blood, why not use it, hone it, get Cas and get the Hell out of here. He couldn't believe Cas had bailed on him. He must have gotten nabbed by some monster or other. Cas would never leave Dean to fend for himself, not willingly. So, Dean started the search. Questioning every monster he could, before killing it. If he let them go, they would try and kill him as soon as his back was turned. He'd learned that the hard way. He didn't feel tired, and dozed more than he slept, but his senses were on high alert and he felt alive, adrenaline thrumming through his veins. Before letting his body get pulled by the semi sleep he used, he cleared is mind. Since the first night, his prayers had gotten less formal, more like actual conversations. Messages left on the celestial answering machine. "Cas, c'mon buddy... answer me. At least let me know you're still kicking." He sighed. He never got an answer. "Keep fighting, okay pal? I'm gonna get you and then we'll get out somehow." Tonight was a good night. Dean actually got more than a consecutive hour worth of dozing, before snapping awake again. Something moved in the undergrowth, and Dean turned his head to listen, hone in on it and determine if it was a threat. His knife was never out of his grasp, not here.

Dean pushed the humanoid against the trunk of a tree. "You're him, Wolfeye Hunterears. Aren't you?" it gasped, an exhausted grin on it's face. Dean tilted his head, the grin on his own face more a predatory snarl. "What?" The humanoid stretched its neck, second set of needlesharp teeth descending. "Wolfeye Hunterears. The human. The one who flipped the tables and became the predator instead of the prey." Dean scoffed. "Colour me surprised. I have me a reputation. Well, leech, if you heard of me, you know my question." It wriggled and tried to break his hold. "I do. But I don't know. I never saw it." Dean applied more preassure, the edge of his knife drawing blood. "You're lying." he said, his voice low and silky. The vampire tried to swallow, drawing more blood. "Honestly, I'm not. My nest sister did see it." Dean's heart started thumping louder. ' _Finally! Cas, buddy I'm closing in! Coming to get you!_ ' He kept his face impassive. "You're just trying to stop me from killing you." The vampire's eyes bugged, and it froze. "No, really. She saw it run from a Werewolf, near the clearing by the three standing stones." Dean smiled without mirth. "Thanks." he said, before pushing down on his knife. The vampire grurgled and its head dropped to the side, finally rolling to the floor. Dean regarded it emotionless while he cleaned his knife. He retraced his steps to where he first encountered the now dead vampire. If he was lucky, he could find another of its nest. If he was incredibly lucky, it would be that nest sister that saw Cas. A twig snapped and Dean flashed a predatory grin before setting off after the figure he spotted running from him.

The clearing by the three standing stones became his base. He circled around it, but always headed back there when twilight settled in. He would sharpen his knife before it got too dark, then shave and climb a tree to doze in. Before he let his body finally relax, he would pray to Cas. He kept that up, just to keep his spirits up. And Cas' spirits too, if he even heard him. He had to believe Cas survived, otherwise Dean would lose his faith. Some days he plead, some days he cussed, but he never, ever let a day go by without praying. Today, Dean was just tired. "Castiël, come on buddy... I know you're there. Answer me, man!" Dean rubbed a hand over his face. ' _Stupid, Winchester. How is he supposed to answer? Think straight!_ ' Heaving a big sigh, he crossed his ankles on the thick Redwood branch. "Ok buddy. Just... Just be safe. I won't give up. I know you're a warrior. You'll survive. Fight those uglies." Leaning his head against the trunk, he let that heavy feeling settle in his limbs. Sleeping in a tree was impossible, but he could doze off for a bit.

He thought about the day a while. He had hunted, and killed, a few monsters today. A couple of vamps, a werewolf and a wendigo. He smiled when he remembered the wendigo. It had shivered in his grasp. "You're Wolfeye..." it had gasped, it's voice wavering between fear and awe. Dean had just smirked at it. "There it is again. How did I ever get that name?" The wendigo had given him a tentative smile. "Our elders gave it to you. They were First Nation, before they turned, and they say you can spot a squirrel on a Redwood. That's why you're Wolfeye. And you can hear a mouse in its burrow. So, Hunterears." Dean had chuckled at that. "Well, well. Imagine that. An official native name. I appreciate it. Now... back to business." Of course it hadn't known where Cas was. Not one monster did, and Dean felt his hope slip. Maybe he should try and get out on his own. Get back to Sam... ' _NO! Not happening. We came in together, we will frikken well get out together!_ ' he though savagely and pulled his jacket around him.


	3. Chapter 3

Triumph coursed through Dean's veins. ' _Finally! I found her!_ ' The dirty blonde vampire snarled at him, but he didn't even notice. "Where is he?" She struggled, but the Kurd knife against her esophagus kept her in check. "I... I saw it again, two days ago. It was running from an okami." Dean blew out his breath. "You could be lying..." The vamp's eyes grew wide, pleading. "No nono. I saw it. It has hospital clothing, under a dirty trenchcoat, and dark hair." Inwardly, Dean wanted to whoop with joy. Cas was still alive, still fighting! Outwardly, he just nodded, a slight smile quirking his mouth. "Thanks." he told the vampire, before pushing his blade home. He retreated to the trees early that night. He felt he had earned that break. His head and heart were light as he settled in a Douglas pine. "I pray to Castiël to show his feathery ass." He hoped this approach would trigger Cas, but when he opened his eyes tentively, he was still alone. His high hope began to crumble. "Come on, Cas. I'm not mad at you, never really was. You thought you did the right thing. I forgive you, and I'm damn sure Sam does too. Please... Cas... I need you, buddy... I saw a vampire today. She said she saw you only two days ago. That means you are fighting. Just don't lose, buddy... Please. Don't be dead..." Fighting the sting in his eyes, Dean sighed and thumped his head against the bark of the trunk.

A flash of white streaked through the undergrowth, and Dean's grin widened. ' _Stupid fang, wearing white in this world of greys. He sticks out like a sore thumb._ ' Setting an even jog, Dean ran after it. The vampire was running, desperately, crashing through the forrest. Dean was chasing, cool, calculated, and calm. For a second, Dean thought he saw a flash of tan between the trees, and he got distracted. ' _Nothing. Of course not. It must have been wishful thinking._ ' When he turned back to his quarry, it was gone. He halted, his senses on high alert. To his left, a twig snapped and his head shot that way, looking, listening. Then he was back on the trail and he quietly made his way onward. When he saw the white blouse shimmer between the trees across the next clearing, he smirked to himself. ' _Gotcha, you leech._ ' The vampire slowed as it walked into the clearing, but as soon as Dean stepped out from under the trees, it raised its head and sniffed the air. Its back was turned on Dean, but he could see the tension leave its shoulders, an air of resignation following in its wake. When it attacked, Dean was ready. He blocked the strike and the vampire dropped its blade. Dean pushed it against a tree, where it struggled against the arm with the knife he had pressed on its collarbone. It dropped its fangs and snapped fruitlessly at Dean.

"Take a breath, calm down." Dean said, soothingly. The vampire struggled with itself, breathing deeply and finally retracting its extra dentures. Cutting to the chase, Dean asked his usual question. "Where's the angel?" The vampire huffed a short laugh, a snarky smile on its lips. "You're him..." it rasped. Dean was taken aback. Usually that was said in fear, not gloating like this. "...the human." the vampire sneered. Not in the mood for pleasantries, Dean pressed down harder, his knife across the vampire's neck. "Where's the angel?" he repeated, this time more threatening. "I don't know." the monster rasped, a hint of glee in its voice. Dean weighed his options. ' _Torture the bloodsucker, and probably get nothing but a waste of energy, or kill it here and now._ ' This was a relatively fit vamp. The muscles along its neck stood out as it was held to the tree. His knife would have trouble severing its neck. Dean remembered the blade it had dropped, and made up his mind. "Hm." he merely huffed, with the corner of his mouth quirking in a mockery of a smile, and pinned the vamp to the tree by sticking his knife in its arm. It roared and grunted with pain. Satisfied, Dean walked over to the blade lying on the forest floor, and picked it up. ' _Nice... good balance. Looks sharp too. Bet this gets a sweet momentum, once swung._ ' He lifted it higher and in one fell blow, beheaded its owner. Dean coldly watched the body fall this way, and the head that, before pulling his new blade free from the trunk. It took some force. ' _Sweet. Like a good machette..._ '


	4. Chapter 4

He heard the growl too late and was thrown to the floor by a body, hitting him centre mass. ' _Crap. Another fang..._ ' His new blade got knocked from his grip, and he tried to get it, whilst also keeping the new vampire from tearing his throat out. It was rageing, snarling and snapping at him. Yet it still kept him from getting his hand on the blade. ' _Fuck... I'm gonna die!_ ' It flashed though his head, followed by regret. He hadn't found Cas. Suddenly the weight got knocked off him. Scrambling to his feet, blade in hand, Dean just saw his attacker getting beheaded with one blow. His rescuer slowly turned its head towards him, and Dean saw the teeth. On his guard, he lifted his weapon higher. The latest vamp retracted its fangs. "What..." it drawled in a Cajun accent. "... no thanks for saving your hide?" Dean repressed they the urge to roll his eyes. "Yeah... I won't shove this up your ass." he snarked, showing the blade. The Cajun raised its eyebrows. "Awful strange way to punch your mealticket, friend." Its voice was rough, but warm, like red wine. "I got something you need." They unconsciously circled eachother. "Yeah? What's that?" Dean asked, curious in spite of himself. "A way out." the vamp said. Dean chuckled. "Even a dental Apocalypse like you knows there's no such thing." he replied, gesturing with the blade. "There is if you're human. God has made it so... least, that's the rumour..." Not daring to believe it, Dean reverted to sarcasm. "Bull." Still circling, they stepped around the dead vamps. "Suit yourself." the vampire said. "Maybe you've gone native. Maybe you like being man-meat for every Tom, Dick and Harry." They stopped circling and eyed eachother.

Dean could feel his brain shifting gear. ' _Wat if it's true? What if there is a portal...This leech seems pretty certain._ ' He made up his mind. "Prove it." The vamp smiled in his scruff. "Naah... uh-hm. You're either in, or you're out." That set off some red flags in Dean's brain. "So you just wanna guide me outta Purgatory, out of the goodness of your undead heart." he said sarcasticly. The vamp smirked. "More or less..." The terms hung in the air. "What's in it for you?" Suspicion nestled safely in Dean's mind. "I'm hoppin' a ride." Dean raised his eyebrows. "What?" Dean had not heard that correctly.. "It's a human portal, jackass. Only humans can get through. I show you the door, you hunk my soul to the other side." Dean nearly laughed. ' _Dingdingding! There we have it folks! He wants out as much as I do._ ' Dean didn't trust this vamp, and he told him. When the leech agreed with him, he got wary. "First rule of Purgatory, kid. You can't trust nobody." the vamp said in that smooth voice of his. "You just asked me to trust you..." Dean relayed.

"See? You're gettin' it now." During the banter, Dean's mind kept working like a Japanese with a deadline. He still needed to find Cas. Pointing with the blade, he gave his terms. "First, we find the angel..." The vampire turned its head. "Hm. Three's a crowd, chief." it rumbled. ' _Heh, he doesn't want Cas spiking his plan. Tough, I ain't leaving without my pal._ ' Knowing how annoying it was, he threw the vamp his own words in his face. "Well, hey, either you're in, or you're out." They eyed eachother up for a while, until the vampire gave in. "Fine, we'll find your halo pal. But I ain't guaranteeing it can pass too." Not willing to even think about that, Dean pointed the blade at the vamp again. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Now, what's your name? I don't think you'd like me to call you leech." A smirk graced the vampire's face. "Lafitte, Benny Lafitte. And you are Wolfeye Hunterears." Dean smirked back. "Not what my Dad called me. I'm Dean, Dean Winchester." Benny grinned, his second set of teeth descending. "Winchester, huh? There's a name that strikes fear. Even with the monsters in the other world. You and your daddy and brother have ended a lot of folks here. It must be my lucky day." Dean genuinely smiled. "That's me. Still wanna hop a ride?" Benny retracted his fangs and grinned back. "Even more now, brother. We actually got a fighting chance now."


	5. Chapter 5

"Go to sleep, Benny. I'll take first watch." Ever since he met up with Benny, Dean had been able to catch up on some real sleep. Theu would take turns standing guard. The sleep they got was still light, but it was better than the dozing. He and Benny had a falling out that day. They had fought about how long it was taking to find Cas. "I mean, a freaking angel, brother. He should shine like a lighthouse at sea. But not once have I seen him. I'm not one for raining on you parade, but Dean, he might not be alive anymore." Dean had snapped. "He's fine! He is a badass Warrior of Heaven. He can handle a few monsters. Hell, he could kill you without a weapon." The disbelieving look on Benny's face made Dean all the more determined to find Cas. As soon as Benny was out, Dean sat down, the Purgatory-made blade across his knees. He swallowed a dry throat. Benny's remarks had hit a sore point. What if Cas was dead? What if some Fugly had gotten the better of him? With a heavy heart, Dean started on his daily prayer. "Cas... Cas, buddy. Please. I need you. Give me a sign. We should be getting back. Sammy will be so worried about us. Benny is getting restless too. He wants to leave. I told him no way. Not without you. We're getting close to you. I can tell. I can feel it. Don't be gone, buddy." A rustle to his right had him back in Hunter mode, prayer half forgotten.

Today was a bad day. Dean and Benny had been bumping into monster after monster, often in packs or groups, making the day one of 360 degree combats. To Dean's surprise, he and Benny got along famously. They had eachother's back. Benny had a knack of whistling while waiting for the battle, but it didn't even bother Dean. A hand touched his shoulder, indicating something was coming. Four vampires. Benny smirked at Dean, and Dean answered with his own grin. Their faces were grimey, making their white teeth stand out, but they didn't care. Soon the fangs attacked. Whilst whirling around, dodging, slashing, hitting, Dean noted the sky turning darker. ' _Oh crap..._ ' Where Benny could smell and hear them, Dean, as a mere human, would have trouble fighting in the dark. "Let's speed this up, Benny." he growled, swiping the Purgatory blade at his attacker, but missing. "With you there, brother." Benny drawled. "We could both use the downtime." He gave a short, sharp whistle between his teeth, and Dean ducked, just in time to throw the vamp, that had gone for his exposed back, off balance. Dean punched it, hard, and it went down completely. A swish and a thud that shook his arm later, they had one less attacker to worry about.

Dean pulled the blade free and plunged it in the vampire that was clinging onto Benny. It howled, then snarled at Dean, leaving Benny free to chop its head off. The rest of the fight was short, but dirty. Panting, Dean pointed to a secluded cave. Benny nodded and they lumbered off, eyes darting to and fro. The cave was barely more than a hollow in the rocks, but it was easily defended, and out of sight. Dean signaled Benny to go and get some rest. The vampire tilted his head, but sat down and closed his eyes. Dean turned his back on him, something he never dared when they had just met, and watched the cave entrance. Behind him, Benny suddenly grumbled: "I'm sorry we didn't get much of a chance to ask about your angel, brother. Better luck tomorrow, right?" Dean hummed assent, but his stomach twisted. ' _Crap... he's right. It's been mayhem, and I just forgot. How many did we kill today? Ten, twenty? How many might have seen him?_ ' His guts tying themselves in loops, Dean exhaled sharply. Not wanting to wake Benny, he kept his prayer silent. ' _Castiël, I hope you're still going strong, buddy. Benny and I are still looking for you._ ' His overexhausted mind stopped there,and all Dean could do was stare at the gathering dusk outside their cave.

"All I'm sayin', brother, is that it's been almost a year since you dropped in here. Your stamina, determination and Hunters trainin' have kept you alive. Not to mention teamin' up with my sweet ass. But your buddy with the wings? He ain't that lucky. We haven't heard word of him in days, Dean. He might be..." Dean bared his teeth in a snarl. "Don't! Don't you dare say it, you overgrown mosquito. He's a warrior. He has killed more than you can imagine." Benny shrugged in an apologetic way. "Word in the bush is, Leviathans ain't too happy with him." Dean scoffed. "Yeah? Well, I think they're not that happy with me either, but we never have to fight them, do we? Haven't seen a chomper since I came to this neck of the woods. I'm guessing they're licking their wounds." Again Benny shrugged. "Wouldn't count on it, brother. Just cause you don't see them, don't mean they ain't there..." Dean looked away. He knew Benny was right. Purgatory had been the Leviathans' home since before humans even existed. They'd know all its hideouts and secrets. But he couldn't bear thinking that Cas had... Nope, not going there.

"Get some rest, huh, Benny..." He could hear the fatigue and resignation in his own voice. Benny shook his head. "We ain't in Egypt, brother. Stop cruising Denial." Dean shouldered the Purgatory blade and pointedly didn't look back. "Shut up and catch some Z-s." Keeping his eyes and ears open for anything, Dean allowed his mind to wander. Desperation clawed at his heart whenever he thought about Cas not making it. Whispering to the dark, starless night, Dean prayed. "Cas... Cas, please. Answer me. I'm getting you, buddy. I swear..." His voice broke. ' _Why would he answer now, Winchester? He hasn't for nearly a year. Last thing he ever said was about our likeliness to be ripped to shreds. Then he was gone._ ' Finding his voice again, he winced at how needy and desperate his whispers sounded. "...come on, man. You can't be gone. I need you. I always needed you." Wiping at the single tear that escaped, Dean sighed. A snapping twig pushed everything aside and he gave a short, sharp whistle. Benny was next to him in the blink of an eye. "What?" he breathed. "Something is there. Can't see it, but I heard it." Benny sniffed the air. "Rugaru. Two o'clock. It's alone." Dean's smile was predatory. "Well, lucky us."


	6. Chapter 6

Benny caught the monster and started questioning it. After a while, he walked up to Dean, who was keeping an eye out. "I don't think he knows, man." Dean passed him, and bent down to the chained down Rugaru. "Oh, he knows..." He studied the once human dispassionately. "Where's the angel?" His voice was level, his energy determined, and the Rugaru could sense it. When Dean slowly slid his Kurd knife in its flesh, it knew it had little to no chance. But it took it. "There's a stream..." it panted. "Go on." Dean urged. The Rugaru told him, offered to show it. Dean nearly laughed. He had never let a monster go. Not one, since he turned the tables and started hunting Purgatory's denizens. "How about you just tell me." he said instead, pulling the knife free and pressing the tip to the creature's chin. It swallowed and gave such a detailed description, Dean felt his heart sing. This was it! He'd found someone who knew! They would find Cas within days now! He looked at Benny, who just raised his eyebrows. He believed the thing too. "You know what, mutt? I believe you." Dean said, and shoved the knife up into its palette. The Rugaru gurgled and slumped. Dean pulled his knife free and swiped it clean on the mutt's clothes. "You heard him, Benny. Follow the stream. Three days. Once we got him, we can get out of here." Benny lifted his head. "You awfully sure, brother. It coulda been lyin'" Dean regarded the corpse. "Naah. It knew. So... we go now, or should we sleep?" Benny looked at him. "You'se all tensed up now, brother. You think you could rest? I know I could, but you? I ain't so sure." Dean's adrenaline bloated brain quickly weighed the pro's and cons. "I'm still on guard. Ask me again when it's your turn." Benny smirked and they made their way back to their camp.

Dean wiped the blood off his cheek and grinned. "Man, that felt AWESOME!" Benny regarded the head that had rolled to a stop at his feet, with a questioning face. "Just another fang to me, brother. Why was he so special?" Dean looked at the head with distaste and his upper lip curled and trembled. "He wanted to kill Sam." Benny scoffed. "Well, yeah. He's a vamp. That's kind of what we do." Dean kicked the dark head away and it skittered off. "No... he was a Hunter before he turned, and before he turned, he wanted to kill my brother." Benny raised his eyebrows. "Before he was turned? Why? Who was he?" All elation at the kill gone, Dean sighed and wiped his blade clean. "Gordon Walker." Benny whistled low. "Damn... that name was cursed here for quite a while." Dean nodded. "He was good. But he somehow got it in his head that Sam was the Anti-Christ and needed to be put down. He even caught me to lure Sammy out. Luckily, Sam was smarter than him, an he got locked away for a while. Once he got out, he soon got turned too. It was Sam who Columbian necktied him." Benny smirked. "You sound like a proud daddy. Did Sam have a hard time killing him?" Dean smirked back. "Oh yeah. Bare hands. Had to use razorwire to do it. But he did it. Always felt damn proud of him for that, but also a bit disappointed that I wasn't the one..." Benny chuckled. "Well, you got your chance now, brother. Did it feel good?" Dean looked up. "Yeah. It felt good." Benny nodded, a smile on his face. "Good. Now, let's keep goin'. Only one more day, give or take, and we can focus on getting the Hell outta here." Dean slung his Purgatory blade over his shoulder and followed the vampire.

Dean was grumbling "Follow the stream, follow the stream... I'm following it best as I can, but goddamnit! The mutt didn't tell us the frikken thing was frikken hard to follow!" Benny chuckled as he trudged along behind him. "You didn't think it would suddenly be easy, now did ya, brother?" Dean shot him a glare but shut up. Benny, however, didn't. "Look, chief, it's bound to be today that we find your little harpplayer. The Rugaru said three days journey. It musta known about the tough road." Dean sighed, but still said nothing. In his mind all kinds of scenario's played, one after the other. Cas was there, but poofed off as soon as he saw Dean. Cas wasn't there. Cas was there, but still nutty as squirrelpoo and thought they were there to kill him. Cas was there, but only the burned out corpse of his vessel. Cas was there, safe, sound and pissed off at Dean. Cas was there but didn't remember him. Cas was there, but was afraid Dean was still angry. Cas was there, but didn't want anything to do with Dean. Cas was there... Dean pushed away a branch and his thoughts ground to a full stop. Cas was there... he was THERE! Through a gap in the trees Dean could see a bend on the stream, and there sat Cas. Grimey, tense, but alive. He washed his face in the stream, sitting on his haunches. He looked haunted, but then again: who didn't look haunted in Purgatory? Dean gingerly stepped forward, stopping at the tree line. His heart leapt, but his mind ordered him to be cautious. "Cas!" he called out, unable to withold the relief he felt from sounding through. Cas stiffened, then started to look around. That was his awkward angel. Dean started to clamber down the incline, his heart thumping as he was half expecting Cas to either lash out, start fighting, or run off. Instead Cas waited, a hint of resignation hovering around him. Dean chose to ignore it, like the blatant disbelief on Cas' face, and chuckled in relief. He kept walking and pulled his best friend into a hug.

85% of the tension Dean had felt for the last year just melted away. "Man, it's good to see you!" Cas just stood there, not hugging back. To cover the anxiety roaring in his chest, Dean ran a finger along the impressive scruff the angel had grown. "Nice peachfuzz." he joked. Cas didn't smile. A wry: "Thank you." was all he gave, while his eyes darted around. ' _Right. He wouldn't know I'd bring company._ ' Dean stepped back. "Want you to meet somebody. This is Benny. Benny this is Cas." Benny awkwardly shuffled his feet, ill at ease, but still managed an: "Hola." Cas didn't respond, his whole bodylanguage screaming: keeping my distance. Dean's insides squirmed. ' _What if Cas doesn't want to come? NO! No. I'm not letting him stay here. Not ever. He's coming, if I have to knock him out and tie him up!_ ' Cas eyed Benny, not judging, but assessing. "How did you find me?" he asked in his gravelly voice.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean's anxiety tore into it. ' _Did that sound like he thought you couldn't? Like he_ _hoped_ _you couldn't?_ ' Pushing the lid down on those thoughts, Dean answered. "The bloody way." Still he needed to address the sense of unease. "Are you feeling ok?" Eyes still darting around, Cas answered in such a direct and typical Cas way, Dean was caught of guard a bit. "If you wanna be on the nose about it, sure." His head was reeling. The euphoria had simmered away a bit, and Dean's mind was playing catch-up. The way the angel was acting, was off, even for him. ' _No, it must be my imagination. I haven't seen him in a year. And over here, that is a frikken long time. Anything could have happened._ ' Benny interupted his thoughts. "Why'd you bail on Dean?" Hell if that wasn't rude! "Dude..." Dean protested, but Benny overrode him. Feeling the old need to defend his own, Dean answered for Cas. The soft, barely audible "No." stopped his heart for a second. "What?!" He didn't yell, of course he didn't, but he couldn't believe what he just heard. Cas looked down a second. "I ran away..."

' _Wait... what? He_ _ran_ _? What the Hell..._ ' Dean felt the world tilt. Anger replaced every inch of relief he had gotten from finding his angel. His anger started to run his mouth and when Cas tried to cut in, simply saying his name in that exasperated tone he often used, Dean didn't let him. "I prayed to you, Cas. Every night!" Dean counted on Cas knowing what that meant, even if the prayers hadn't come through because they were in frikken Purgatory. Cas didn't even look at him. He just stared off to a point next to Dean. "I know..." It felt like Cas ripped his heart with that simple sentence. "You know... and you didn't..." His voice was failing him. He couldn't even say what as running through his mind. Finally it all boiled down to his next sentence. "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

The excuse Cas threw up, being an angel in a land of aboninations, didn't impress him in the least. His snarled answer had Cas finally showing emotion. The angel got irritated, angry even. He finally looked at Dean again, and his speach got swifter, angrier. Pleased to have broken his apathy, Dean listened. ' _Leviathan? So they were hunting Cas all the time, not bothering to look for me._ ' Then all fight left Cas as sudden as it had risen. "... to keep them away from you." he finished lamely. Awe swiftly overtook the anger that had pulsed through Dean. Cas had purposly been leading the chompers away from Dean, risking his life every day? ' _Shit... doesn't he know that I need him? Wherever we are, I need him. Doesn't he see his worth?_ '

Cas turned from them, all fight drained off. "Just... leave me. Please..." He sounded so defeated, Dean felt his heart shrivel a bit. "Sounds like a plan... Lets roll." Benny drawled. Dean's whole being objected. He laid the plan before Cas, expecting the angel to light up, and follow. But Cas didn't seem to want to leave that Godforsaken place. So, Dean tried with cockiness. That usually got Cas to crinkle up his eyes in mirth and agree. No dice. "It's too dangerous.." that gravelly voice ground out. Dean wanted to yell out, punch something. ' _Stubborn ass! Ok then, ultimatum time. See what you gotta say to that._ ' Finally, Dean could see Cas giving in. "I understand..." he adminished, having Dean whoop internally. Now they were going places!


	8. Chapter 8

The fight they got into was dirty, nasty and tough, but with Cas along, they got it over with sooner than ever. Benny didn't seem too shocked when Cas smote the fang before their eyes. "I gotta admit, the angel has his strong points, but Holy Hell if he ain't a magnet..." Dean bristled. Benny's blunt ways had reminded him of Cas at times, but now they were together again, he could see the difference clearly. Benny used to be human. He knew better, whereas Cas couldn't possibly grasp why bluntness could hurt. The angel was strolling up to them and Dean was happy to see the haunted look had gone. "It does present a curious curl in the metaphysics, doesn't it? If you murder a monster in monster Heaven, where does it go?" Dean smiled. That was his angel. Benny, however, wasn't impressed. "And this is the crazy aunt I wanna take on the road?" he asked sarcasticly. Typically, Cas didn't get it, but he did get all defensive. Soon the vampire and the angel were bickering like kids. Dean would have knocked their heads together, if he had thought it would knock sense in them.

Next thing he knew, the bastards had teamed up on him. Hadn't they learned by now that he didn't care? That he'd rather die trying to safe Cas, than leave him here? He took them on, one at a time. Hell if he was going to be swayed. Time he layed down the law... again. When he turned to Cas, he made sure his face was as clear as his words. "... we're gonna shove your ass through the eye of that needle, even if it kills all three of us." Dean could see the words hitting home, for now. "Obviously, I'm less than comfortable with that..." Benny supplied. Dean turned on him. "I don't care if you are. You want your ride? Stick with this plan. Don't, and I ain't taking you along." He switched his gaze between the both of them. "Now let's haul ass." They followed him reluctantly, but he couldn't bring up the energy to care.

They kept bickering, and if they weren't, they'd team up again, trying to persuade Dean to renegate their plan. He wasn't having it. He reminded them of their deal, repeatedly, but now, Benny wouldn't let it go. "He is going to get us killed!" the vampire snarled, but before Dean could say anything else, Cas interupted. "We might get to test that theory..." Dean's blood turned cold. "More monsters?" Cas stopped scanning the treetops and looked him square in the eye. "Leviathan." If his blood was cold before, now it froze solid. He urged Cas to leave, but he said he couldn't. At the angel's barked "Run" they bolted. Before long, the chompers had caught up and boxed them in. Dean got lucky and floored the one that went for him. He chopped it's head off and looked up to check on his friends. Alarmed he saw the lady Leviathan kneel over Cas, ugly mug out and ready to chow down on Cas. Unexpectedly, Benny stepped up and severed her head from her neck in one fell stroke. The angel and the vampire looked at eachother, and Benny helped Cas up. Dean panted, relief flooding through him. ' _Foxhole friends._ ' he thought and smiled. That could be the end of their bickering.

It kind of was... Benny stopped teaming up with Cas. Now, he would cut off any attempt Cas made to dissuade Dean from taking him along. Trudging through the woods, Cas now tried to get Dean alone to talk to. He clasped Dean on his left shoulder, a gesture so familiar, Dean stopped in his tracks. Cas' blue eyes were sincere when he told Dean "Thank you... for everything." It broke Dean's heart. No way he would leave his pal behind. No way in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory for that matter. Instead of argueing, Dean squared his shoulders and stared Cas right in the eye. "Save the Hallmark, ok? It's gonna work. Nobody gets left behind." He started moving again, but he could feel those blue eyes follow him. He tried to ignore the prickly feeling. ' _Damnit, Cas... it_ _has_ _to work... I can't do this without you. I need you, just like I need Sammy. Don't just give up._ '


	9. Chapter 9

His arm throbbed, stung, as he climbed the cliff. Benny was restless, but he had earned this. Not just by showing the way. He rescued Dean so many times, and Cas too. That Levi had been ready to chow doen on Cas. Benny could've let her. Get rid of the 'magnet' that Cas apparently was, but he saved Cas, and that was worth serious browniepoints in Dean's book. Breathing a quiet 'Thank God', he climbed up the path that ran along towards the rift between worlds. Cas called out to him. "Dean... wait." He stopped just as two miniature comets landed in the dirt ahead. ' _Oh great... why would it be easy to leave?_ ' his mind sarcastically supplied as two Leviathan morphed into view. They chucked him aside like a ragdoll, and he rolled off. Adrenaline had him on his feet as soon as he shook off the dizziness. Those chompers were teaming up on Cas and the Seraph was being beaten down hard. One of the fuglies morphed their head into that deepest nightmare, ready to go for the kill. Without a single thought, Dean leapt up and swung his blade, effectively separating body from head. Cas rallied perfectly and punched the second in her stomach making her double over. Dean swung and the fight was over. Glancing towards the blue vortex, Dean noticed to his alarm, that it was smaller than before the fight. He urged Cas along. Maybe the fight had drained the angel more than Dean, because Cas was lagging behind.

His hair and clothes whipped around him, as the air being sucked into the portal pulled him along. He reached it, stepped over the ledge, and reached for Cas. Their hands met and he clasped the angel's forearm tight. "Hold on! I got you, hold on!" He hollered above the din of the portal, his heart racing. Cas looked up at him, his blue eyes pleading. ' _Pleading for what?_ ' At first he thought understanding, but that couldn't be it. What would Dean need to understand? ' _Must be to hold on to him, to not let go... Yeah. That's it._ ' Cas' whole face changed into grim determination. "Dean..." he called again. Dean looked at him. "... go!" Cas said firmly and shoved Dean's arm away. The portal pulled at him, but all he could do was stare at Cas. His friend, whom he trusted beyond anybody, save Sam. Those blue eyes were the last he saw, before the portal snapped shut around him. The heat was singeing and Dean turned to walk, his arm shielding his eyes from the heat. The stench of rotten and burning flesh made him gag, but he kept going. His steps were leaden, and it seemed to take minutes to make the next. All the while, his mind kept racing.

' _Cas couldn't have pushed me away. I must have imagined it. I was just too weak to hold onto him. I failed him... I failed my best friend... oh God. What will Sammy say? How much time will have passed in our plane? Will Sam be ok? I gotta find him, so we can get Cas out... I'm sorry Cas... I should've been stronger... Hold on buddy. I found you once, I will find you again. Sam and I... we'll get you out... I'm so sorry I let you down..._ ' The heat scorched his cheeks and the smell turned his stomach. He gagged, clenching his Purgatory blade on his fist. His feet kept dragging and he stumbled. His hands hit the floor, making him flinch. That burned! It felt like he'd been walking for days in the blistering heat and awful smell, but he kept going. A tiny dot of black appeared in the swirling blue around him. He concentrated on walking towards it and it actually got closer, bigger. Suddenly, he felt a push, and he stumbled forward, nearly hitting a tree.

His mind went on a frantic loop. ' _Oh God no... I got shoved back.. I'm back in Purgatory... it didn't work... shit. Cas! If I'm back... Cas... I'm coming buddy... Cas.. hang on!_ ' He looked up and the soft twinkling of stars made his mind go blank. Purgatory didn't have stars... relief washed over him. He made it. But where on the planet was he? No cash, no id. What if he was somewhere in Russia or something. How was he going to get back to Sammy? ' _Calm down, Winchester... First get your bearings..._ ' He looked up again. Between the treetops he could just make out the little dipper, and he breathed more easily. There was the Northern Star... at least he was on the right hemisphere. So, now he had to find civilisation... He started walking, when he heard voices. Swiftly, he made his way in that direction.

In the back of his jeans he felt the long forgotten preassure of his gun. That had been useless in Purgatory, so he hadn't thought about it for a while. Now, he slipped it out of his jeans and the familiar weight welcomed him back. A light showed him where a tent stood. The muffled voices talking had him smirk. ' _Hell yeah! English! That helps._ ' Some kid, college years, came out, carrying a lantern. Dean blinked. His eyes had gotten so used to the dark, that the light was actually painful. The kid called out a few times, then in a relieved tone sighed "It was a deer..." Dean almost felt sorry for the guy, but he couldn't trust anybody. When they faced him again, he was right in their sight, pointing the gun at them. "Where am I?" he demanded, internally wincing at his raw voice. The startled kids pointed him in the right direction. Weighing his options, he snatched up a stray backpack and ran off. It was him or them, and they had more... Slinging the backpack on his back, he started making his way to civilisation, a dull throbbing in his arm indicating where he should go first.


End file.
